Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
