Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
