Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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