FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
