I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
