The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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