Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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