i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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