I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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