We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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