So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
