can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
