It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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