Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We are all done wearing pants today
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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