I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
