it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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