My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
