next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
