She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
