Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
