you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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