New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
