just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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