ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
