he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
