does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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