Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
