eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
