I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
