she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
