He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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