I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
