I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
