If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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