toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
