What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
