Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Come on in and take your pants off
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