I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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