he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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