A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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