Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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