Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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