Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I checked into jail on foursquare
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
