I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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