I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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