how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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