She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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