why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
