I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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