I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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