Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
