Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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