Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
