Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
