Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
