i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize