Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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