you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
