I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
