I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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