dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
