R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
