At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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