He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
