I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wish my penis had a tongue
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
