she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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